My Sphinx is a Jinx

Isn't it hard
when it finally hits
that your lover
is less than a friend?

And all your exchanges
are just poor counterfeits
for tender too precious
to spend?

- Sphinx, Syd Straw

So the new ADD medicine makes me tired. Which is weird because it is basically, like, SPEED. My brain is apparently a chemical anomaly. And my pharmacist thinks I am a space alien, because I asked her, is this medicine supposed to make me tired? She gave me the strangest look, and said, Um, NO, it's actually supposed to have the opposite effect. But anyway, I'm supposed to give it about ten days and see if the effect is still the same. She said it could be "paradoxical side effects", which is exactly what it sounds like. Side effects that are the opposite of what is supposed to happen.

Ah, yes. Better living through chemistry.

ADD, easy as... wait, what were we talking about?

So my doctors think I have ADD, or as it's called these days, ADHD. (In my case the H stands for Hysterical.) So I go to this web site that is supposed to give you tips, right, to manage this condition and get more organized and all that. I take a couple of 'self-tests', "pass" them with flying colors, meaning I'm apparently RAGINGLY ADHD, and then the site returns the list. It's about seventy items long.

I sit there and stare at it blankly for about two minutes.

I mean, if I can't focus, how the HELL am I gonna get through this list? I just could not. I tried to read it. I did. It said something about "You keep salad greens in the fridge, so have your salad making station near the fridge."

Excuse me. Salad making station? I have no salad making station. The kitchen looks like a bomb went off in there. This is part of the problem. What a joyous life I would have if it included such a thing as a salad making station. And my refrigerator is out of greens. Unless you count the ones hiding in the vegetable crisper from a few months ago. I ate the fresh ones already, from the ready made salad I got at the store the other day. The store that has a salad making station. Should I move my refrigerator near the store? Cause otherwise I do not see this happening, this proximity thing, at all.

After reading about the salad making station, I read one more item. It said, if you feel the urge to say something negative, stay silent.

I just can't say anything about that.